I spent more than a decade in active addiction. As many of you know, along with that comes a slough of mental health problems. I spent years couch surfing, destroying meaningful relationships, hurting those who loved me and putting myself in the deepest depths of hell inside my own mind. What started out as the cool thing to do in high school rapidly turned into survival- or in my hopes at the time, death. Throughout this dark endeavour, it was “never my fault”. I continued to blame external events that were out of my control such as moments of my childhood, betrayal from people I loved and even facing jail time for causing serious harm to another man. Meanwhile, I was unknowingly in control of my circumstances the entire time.
This is dark, I know but it was my reality and it took me a long time to realize that I didn’t have to live like this anymore. I finally said enough is enough and decided to take the step forward into bettering my life. I am incredibly lucky to have the support from family that I did. They took me to get help at CAMH and eventually found myself at the Pinewood program in Oshawa. It was here that I started my journey into sobriety.
Now, 5 years into my sobriety I felt compelled to pay my thanks forward with a fundraiser. I found running early on into my sobriety as an outlet to escape triggering situations. It was so easy. All I had to do was lace up an old pair of running shoes I had and head out the door. No work involved to get ready, no drive for me to justify I didn’t want to do, just me my shoes and a paved road. I eventually got away from running after about a year into my sobriety and drowned myself in work to pay off old debts, find a place to actually lay my head somewhere that felt like home and give me a sense of purpose and responsibility.
In January of 2026, after a long dreadful winter working out in the cold, I found myself in a bit of a rut mentally and needed a win. A couple of the guys at work signed up for a half marathon and asked if I wanted to tag along. I hadn’t ran in years and was a little nervous but I needed the challenge and I needed a win. So I did it. With very little training and a whole lot of nerves I suffered through 21 kms of running in the middle of winter. After that, I was hooked.
Running has become my outlet for my mental health. For a brief moment of my day, nobody needs me, no distractions, no screens and the ability to process my thoughts. Does running these long distances hurt? Absolutely - but now i get to suffer by choice and not by consequence.
I’m currently fundraising for CAMH at the Toronto Waterfront Marathon on October 18th. I’ve dedicated this run to a close family friend who recently lost his battle to mental health and addiction. I’m also choosing to suffer by choice for those who are still suffering my consequence. I want to show people that we do recover and there is a life outside of the hell they’re currently living in. Just take the next step!
